Random Old Thoughts

Over the years, I have at times resorted to writing my thoughts down. Sometimes in the form of essays of experiences I have had, more often than not in the form of (I think not terribly good) poems. Usually they are generated to help cope with the crushing weight of dealing with my life alone as a paraplegic.

I try not to dwell on the oft times overwhelming sense of loneliness and even helplessness I live with. I also do realize that I have a good life, with a roof over my head, food in the fridge and a car to drive. I have my freedom and independence, for that I am thankful.

A small sample of some of the writing from the time following my discharge from the rehab centre, trying to figure out how to live my life and be me again…I’m still working on that.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Silvery moon

your eye on me

What do you look for?

what do you see?

 

Moving so slowly

chips of broken glass

reflections on life

revealed in your pass.

 

If I stare long enough

up to your face

Will I find answers?

a cause for the race?

 

Silvery moon

passing me by

What do you look for?

up in the sky?

 

**********************************************************

footsteps

dancing

running in the rain

legs burning with pain

 

flying on ice

blades chopping

frozen air all round

echoes of skating

the only sound

 

downhill

powder

skis flash on snow

carving the way

laugh as I go

 

strolling

swinging

finding the rhythm

finding the way

golf on a fine day

 

Missing these

and more

trapped in my cage

walk nevermore.

I’m so tired of being strong

how did I ever last this long?

the smiling, the good fight

fade away alone at night.

 

I want someone to lean on now

someone to help me fight this somehow

Chase away these long lone nights

make me think this is all right.

I’ve come full stop, hit the wall

ground hit hard to end the fall

Something missing, I can’t say what

something vital

perhaps

my

heart

 

**********************************************************

 

Days gone by

leaves on the ground

swirling at my feet

stories in my mind

memories so fine.

 

Most often I look ahead

no time for the past

But sometimes, late at night

when I’m alone again

searching for a way

to ease that pain.

I’ll take a look back.

What could be wrong with that?

 

Using yesterday’s sunshine

to keep me warm tonight

last year’s victory

help me win today’s fight.

Tomorrow will take care of itself

today is nearly done

My life is a circle

the rising and setting sun.

 

Author: Jamie Stewart

Currently and quite possibly permanently living in the beautiful Comox Valley, Vancouver Island BC. I had spent many years living in Halifax but decided to opt for a milder climate a few years ago and wrangled a move here. I'm 54 years old and have been living with a spinal cord injury for almost 19 years now. As a result of that injury I am paraplegic, a definition I am not always comfortable with. I don't like being defined by what physical limitations I may have but I also don't get bent out of shape about it. Changing public perception of physical disabilities is a long process, one I have embraced and participated in through several volunteer programs over the years. I am an avid sailor (without a boat) and as retirement looms (yes I have continued working full time since recovering from the initial injury), I am pondering how to fill my time in a meaningful way. Traveling more, see the sights of this great country is high on my list. Increasing my involvement in volunteer programs that benefit the physically disabled and just simply trying to enjoy what life has to offer are my goals.